i wonder why, some stuff are just so hard to get over with. it was at the back of my head all the time, no matter how hard i try. there’s just this rage and dissatisfaction in me, that i myself, could not comprehend, like really. i tried to think of the reasons, why i feel this way, why i think of things that way, and many more. i feel so disturbed.

i tried so hard to forget that i feed myself with negative thoughts to get over things. i tried self-advising like what i usually do, and it usually works. but this, it just don’t. sometimes when i feed myself with negative thoughts, it worked momentarily, and then it comes back. feeding myself with the thoughts, is really bringing myself down, almost all the time. i feel no confidence and i compared myself to others. plenty of reasons and thoughts, that i self created, that i think they are facts that i could not deny.

sometimes, i wonder will i get depressed. this is so not healthy and i know it. but i just don’t know how to get through it you see. some people i’ve seen just go to sleep to forget about things they don’t wanna remember or care about. i tried. sometimes it works, and sometimes, it’s hard to even fall asleep. it has been a while i last feel like this. i felt depressed with myself at times. i dislike this me, cause’ this is not me. i really wanna be myself again. and i just don’t know how.


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