Soul Searching


Couple of weeks ago, I felt lost. I lost my sense of joy and happiness, not knowing what was the root cause of it. Probably due to the recent events that are happening around me; personal life included. But now I do, I guess deep down I always knew. In the midst of searching for the missing piece, things gets gradually clearer. I spent some time on my own, list down the things I want to do, meeting people, going places I want to visit and executed some of it. Now that I got back on track again, not only I discovered the root cause, I also gained clarity, peace, joy and new perspectives in life.

I was stressed up at work, stuck with the same problem that I tried my best to solve while competing with the time that obviously could never slow down, stop ticking, and turn back.

“Time and tide wait for no man” – Geoffrey Chaucer.

Being able to perform my best at work and prove myself in what I can do in my career, is something that not only I want to prove to others, but most importantly, to myself. After spending much time on it, I’m glad and relieved that I managed to solve it and gained new knowledge in the end. Learning is after all a life long process. 

On top of that, I was unhappy over things that I have no control off. Sometimes, you just wish you have the answers to how life is going to be for you. No matter how badly you want to find out what the future holds, no one in this world could ever give you a certain answer to that. And that leave us with only one option – Let our past be a lesson, live in the present and let tomorrow surprise you. I’ve always said that and understood it but to constantly remind yourself how beautiful life is, especially during the down times in life and live by it, is not easy.

During my soul searching moments, I’ve come to realise and reminded myself again that life is indeed short, and I should live in the present and be as happy as I can in life. I was speaking to a friend of mine, and she said that the universe has been good to me. I guess she is right. The universe has really been good to me; Life has been good to me. I was being blessed with a new job, new friends and new colleagues that came into my life. The sudden change of ambience that is filled with joyful events acted as a distraction for me, leaving me no room to ponder over sad matters, one of it was my peacefully-ended-relationship back in December. Hence, it’s no surprise at all that I had a speedy recovery from it. I moved on definitely and set sail to continue my own little adventure.

While I was losing hope and trust, I poured my attention to getting work done and that took the unnecessary thoughts off my head. I started executing items in my bucket list and spend some time on my own, letting no one stop me from doing things that I love. My clouded mind became clearer and I started noticing the signs (at least that is how I perceived it) that kept occurring repetitively. It really felt as though those messages were meant for me -“Timing is everything. If it’s meant to happen, it will, at the right time for the right reasons.” It occurred to me in the book I read, in a TV series I was watching and even verbally from friends. Suddenly, everything became clear to me and acceptance gave me the inner peace that I was searching for.

When the universe wants to make something happen, whether it be giving a young man lightning speed or putting two people together, it has a way of figuring those things out”  – Joe in The Flash TV Series

I’m proud that I am able to be tough, motivate myself and pull myself up instead of letting myself drown in my self-create pool of sadness, negativity and uncertainties. Nobody gets to dictate how I feel or put myself down, because only me, myself and I get to decide how I should be feeling. Sometimes, people even those who are close to you, judge you for what you did especially when you least expect them to be judgemental. But darling, they will never understand your situation truly by just imagining themselves being in your shoes, because they will never do until it happens to them.

Should you lost some things that are dear to you, be grateful that whatever it is that you had, it happened and the only thing you are able to do at this moment, is to embrace the sweet memories and experiences you’ve gained from it. Little did I know, I’m living an adventure,  a real life drama that could even make a great magazine article to read about in a women’s magazine! I did not even see it coming, at all! Life is indeed interesting, unpredictable and anything is possible, especially when you least expect it. Appreciate and live your life to the fullest, for we only live once and you will never know when it will be taken away from you.

“When you go through life
So sure of where you’re headin’
And you wind up lost
And it’s the best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way
It’s really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah, that’s when you find yourself”

– Brad Paisley’s Find Yourself from Disney’s Cars.

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